
On october 22, 2009 at around 4a.m., my first best friend in life, my partner in just about everything I ever did growing up, my little brother, Thomas Wesley completed his life. How I am still here without him is confusing and unnatural. We shared a consciousness, almost as intense as twins. Only now have I realized that I've never imagined life without my brother. never. This is the worst hurt of my life. How could he be gone? There are no words that can describe my feeling now. Only wave after wave of anguish.
And I know he is moving on to a higher existence. I just miss him beyond belief. If I had 15 minutes to live, I'd give up 14 of them to spend one more minute with my brother. I pray to God, keep him warm, keep him close, keep him safe. Forgive his wrongs and uplift his good deeds in your judgement of him. I will forever be a witness for his good nature. Please God, of all the rewards of heaven, please let me be worthy of just one. I just want to see my brother again, smiling in the light of the one God, waiting for me with arms out stretched. Not for a second would I hesitate. we were inseparable growing up. My mother bathed us together, she dressed us alike, we stayed up so many nights after the lights were out in the room we shared, just letting our imaginations take us to far away places. The stories we told! Right there in our room in the dark. We prayed for a little sister together, and then God sent baby Tiara to join us. The three of us were wonderful products of our mother and father. An incredible mixture of personality, sincerity and honor. When we got together, the natural chemistry was something to see. We were all so proud of each other. Now something has changed forever. It will never be the same, and Xavier, you will know that you can indeed miss what you never had.
But son you must know, your uncle Tommy must never be forgotten or disrespected. He was one of the only people I know who could always make me laugh, he was fearlessly protective of his family and friends, and he loved to drive fast and far. His favorite place was disney world, because some of his best memories were made there when we were about 8 and 6 years old. He was strong willed,( stubborn), generous, and very much in touch with his inner child. I will love, miss and honor him everyday for the rest of my life. And I will be forever grateful to God for the time that we shared. Oh Tommy...I cry because I'm hurt, I cry because I'm sad, but I also cry because I'm happy God made us brothers for all time. And by God's will, I will see you again.
4 comments:
My Dearest Marc,
I am at Tiara and Richard's house now.
My heart is bursting with so much love and pride for you and the way you are able to feel and appreciate the wonder and mysteries of life. Like you, Tiara, and your father, my heart is broken forever. You're right - I dressed you and Tommy like twins, my beautiful little boys. At times, when I think that I can't go on, I think about your words of comfort.
Love always and forever,
Mom
TomMarkie,
I wish with all my heart we were all having a horrible nightmare like in one of Ma's Twilight Zone episodes and tomorrow we would wake up and Tommy would still be here. This was really beautiful and I know Tommy would be proud of all of us... even though he wouldn't say so. He would probably smirk, nod and then brag about it to his friends. I KNOW we are all going to be stronger for this and soon people will be envious that we have so much love waiting for us in heaven.
I love you, big brother!
Me
Dear Marc,
I had to write again since I am reading what you wrote again. This pain is unbearable yet I know we will continue to live and continue to love Tommy with all our hearts.
How can this be? How can he not be here with us? I don't know if I can ever understand. All I know now is that we are still a family and Tommy is still part of our family. I love all of you so much.
Marc-ky, I'm so overwhelmed. I wish Tommy would appear to me, so I could hug and kiss him again. As you said, words can't describe the depths of our pain. I'm so happy that you had that dream. I hope to have a dream about Tommy so that I can find some kind of peace. The suffering is sometimes more than I can bear. Thank you for sharing your dream with me. 14 minutes...
Tommy loved all of us so much. He told me. Love, Ma
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