Look at my pain, and choose of these two:
you can pray for me, or be glad I'm not you.
as we fear the thunder
to an extent, we fear life at those times when we're forced to wonder
"why?"
with no answers, but that's the unknown.
In your mind you must find your way alone.
Confronting agonies and embarrassing "truths"
like the fact that even YOU don't always know YOU!
But God shows you
with every pain
exactly who you are. And when you rise up again,
you'll be grateful, wise, and much stronger
in the dawn, if you hold on a little longer.
I've got a miracle to share, cause I've been there.
Now I'm a witness, if you keep you're prayers sincere,
you WILL find relief from grief and that belief will empower you to let go
and so
look at my joy, and choose of these two:
think it's all about me,
or see what God is showing you.
And recognize the proof of possibility
in all life
and never doubt God's ability.
Marc H.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
37 weeks!
Whoo! Today I went in for my weekly OB. appointment. After she greeted me she told me what I had already known. My baby is FULL TERM!!! Xavier can be here at any moment!!! Maybe tonight?!? Who know's but we are EXTREMELY, ExTrEMeLY ExCItEd!!!!! Soon enough we'll have our baby boy in our arms and I'll tell him I love him and finally be able to give him the kiss. The kiss I've been picturing myself giving him all this time since I've been pregnant. I love him so much, my baby boy(sigh).
At my appointment I asked about seven question's that I don't think I had asked before until now. The most important was about the dreaded episiotomy:(
I was pleased to know that this procedure is not routine. But the doctor warned me that older doctors may do this procedure more often than others because that's the way they were taught long, long ago in the dark ages. Well she said something to that effect. And yes this is number 1 on my birthing plan. The next important question was about induction. She told me that Xavier would definitely be induced if he doesn't decide to show up nearing his due date. Great! Around my due date, not after the 15th.
I felt really good after our question/answer session.
Other questions were about Marc cutting the umbilical cord, me holding the baby immediately after birth, med.'s I'm on and breast feeding and when to call the doctor's office.
This is my birth plan, short and sweet.
Sonia Higdon's Birth Plan
1. DO NOTwant an episiotomy unless it is a medical emergency.
2. My husband Marc is to cut baby's umbilical cord.
3. I want my baby placed on my chest immediately after birth.
4. My baby will be breast fed only.
NO BOTTLES/NO PACIFIERS
Oh, I did want to tell on him. My Xavier has been pushing up his little butt under my ribs on my left side. He was doing this so much last night, just strectching and moving his legs. Today he was pretty much in the same position doing the same thing. Moving his little butt and stretching. Now when I laugh or move a certain way my upper left side hurts. Oh, it's time. Xavier come on out boy! There's no more room.
At my appointment I asked about seven question's that I don't think I had asked before until now. The most important was about the dreaded episiotomy:(
I was pleased to know that this procedure is not routine. But the doctor warned me that older doctors may do this procedure more often than others because that's the way they were taught long, long ago in the dark ages. Well she said something to that effect. And yes this is number 1 on my birthing plan. The next important question was about induction. She told me that Xavier would definitely be induced if he doesn't decide to show up nearing his due date. Great! Around my due date, not after the 15th.
I felt really good after our question/answer session.
Other questions were about Marc cutting the umbilical cord, me holding the baby immediately after birth, med.'s I'm on and breast feeding and when to call the doctor's office.
This is my birth plan, short and sweet.
Sonia Higdon's Birth Plan
1. DO NOTwant an episiotomy unless it is a medical emergency.
2. My husband Marc is to cut baby's umbilical cord.
3. I want my baby placed on my chest immediately after birth.
4. My baby will be breast fed only.
NO BOTTLES/NO PACIFIERS
Oh, I did want to tell on him. My Xavier has been pushing up his little butt under my ribs on my left side. He was doing this so much last night, just strectching and moving his legs. Today he was pretty much in the same position doing the same thing. Moving his little butt and stretching. Now when I laugh or move a certain way my upper left side hurts. Oh, it's time. Xavier come on out boy! There's no more room.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
"I don't know nuthin 'bout birthin' no babies!"
...so we went to a child birth class this past sunday. As Sonia and Xavier go through their 36th week of togetherness, we're well aware of the fact that we've just about reached that point where anything could happen at anytime. So we signed up for the childbirth class at the hospital just to get a clearer picture of whats going to be happenening in the next few weeks. Well, I will say that it was informative for me. I understand my role a little bit better as "the coach". There were about 10 couples there and one slightly kooky instructor whose "ice breaker jokes" were hit or miss, but hey, she tried. We watched a video which of course had to show a couple of graphic shots of mothers delivering their babies. I love how when the baby comes out, the nurses just sling the sticky, mucusy, bloodied up mess of a child into the mothers exhausted arms. It didn't really bother me much, but Sonia says it made her stomach hurt. All in all it was a positive experience, and when we were instructed to lay on the floor and practice breathing (for labor) it gave Sonia a chance to look deep into my eyes and say beautifully..."you got an eye booger." Oh well, we have two more child birth classes to go, and honestly I wonder if Xavier will be here before we finish. I hope so, save me son!
All we do is anticipate his arrival these days. We had some of my friends from work over on saturday evening to wish us well. It was almost like a mini baby shower. It was nice. Xavier even got a personalized bib and sippy cup, with matching silver spoon and fork! Very cool.
Other than that all is well, thank God Sonia is doing well. I must admit, I'll miss seeing her pregnant. But hopefully I'll see her this way again God willing, one day not too far off! Xavier is doing great. Our little one continues to ace his non-stress test every week with no problems. He's ready, and so are we. I am one happy man.
All we do is anticipate his arrival these days. We had some of my friends from work over on saturday evening to wish us well. It was almost like a mini baby shower. It was nice. Xavier even got a personalized bib and sippy cup, with matching silver spoon and fork! Very cool.
Other than that all is well, thank God Sonia is doing well. I must admit, I'll miss seeing her pregnant. But hopefully I'll see her this way again God willing, one day not too far off! Xavier is doing great. Our little one continues to ace his non-stress test every week with no problems. He's ready, and so are we. I am one happy man.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
The bionic baby
The other day when I had my non-stress test Xavier had been so active for about 2hours before. I was afraid that he'd end up falling asleep by the time I had my test, but that was not the case. I sat in the chair all straped up with the baby monitors, he was a little quiet for a couple of minutes then he started up. Turning and kicking then having the hiccups which ended up being really loud because he was right under the monitor. He was making me laugh over and over again. He was non-stop moving and kicking the monitor on my stomach. He had perfect aim. But what really surprised me was how he stretched out his leg so far underneath the the top strap that the velcro started to come apart. I heard the velcro coming apart and I looked down and at my stomach. Then he stretched just alittle more. I couldn't believe how far he was stretching his leg out! What a little character he already is, he made me laugh and smile, I love this boy so much! I just wished that Marc could've been there to witness his son's antics.
This morning I received a phone a call from my best friend's friend. I answered with a very loud "HELLO"!!! Before I picked up the phone I looked at the caller I.D. and saw that it was from N.Y. with a familiar area code. Michele's area code(who is about 38wks.pregnant). I knew she was calling to tell me that she's about to have her baby. After a couple of crazy loud hello's I found out that it wasn't Michele but her designated friend who'd call her list of people to contact if she went into labor. Any way, She told me that Michele's water broke last night and her doctor said that she should have her baby today!!! Whoohoo! After my sheer excitement for her I called Marc and told him the good news. Then I began to think about all the things that I have left to do before the baby comes, especially if the baby comes early. But of course I only have so much energy as I sit here so very tired. I did laundry, steam cleaned the carpets and did just usual up keep of the apt. and put some more things into the hospital bag which I'm almost all done packing. And I just remembered that poor Vita is being neglected. I gotta go and take her for a walk.
This morning I received a phone a call from my best friend's friend. I answered with a very loud "HELLO"!!! Before I picked up the phone I looked at the caller I.D. and saw that it was from N.Y. with a familiar area code. Michele's area code(who is about 38wks.pregnant). I knew she was calling to tell me that she's about to have her baby. After a couple of crazy loud hello's I found out that it wasn't Michele but her designated friend who'd call her list of people to contact if she went into labor. Any way, She told me that Michele's water broke last night and her doctor said that she should have her baby today!!! Whoohoo! After my sheer excitement for her I called Marc and told him the good news. Then I began to think about all the things that I have left to do before the baby comes, especially if the baby comes early. But of course I only have so much energy as I sit here so very tired. I did laundry, steam cleaned the carpets and did just usual up keep of the apt. and put some more things into the hospital bag which I'm almost all done packing. And I just remembered that poor Vita is being neglected. I gotta go and take her for a walk.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
32wk ultrasound
Xavier is so CUTE!!!
Xavier's face with his arms up on both sides of his face
this is the best she could do, this is Xavier's foot
Xavier's face with his arms up on both sides of his face
this is the best she could do, this is Xavier's foot
Getting Ready
34week belly
33week belly
I love my BELLY!!! In the begining of my pregnancy I couldn't wait to have a big belly, now I do and I'm so happy and just loving it!
Sunday Marc and I went to check out another bulk shopping center in the area. We liked what we saw there so we signed up for membership right away before the store closed. Then we drove to another store and went shopping for items to put into our hospital bag. $Just buying the little stuff like the shampoo's, deodorant, toothpaste etc. came up to more than what I had expected.
Monday I bought a $nursing nightgown and other nursing gear to wear, which I have to buy more of later on this week. I also bought some $wearable blankets that doubles as a swaddler for Xavier. I feel better having the wearable kind instead of placing a blanket or wrapping him in a receiving blanket while he sleeps in the bassinet over night.
Tuesday I went over a baby checklist that was on Target.com and wrote down everything that we still needed. I went over a couple of books to see the recommended number of items we should have of each. Like we should have so many burp clothes, # of receiving blankets and so forth. Just to make sure we have enough of everything to start off with. Washed Xavier's things and put them away. Then when Marc came home and rested a bit we were off to Costco and finally did some shopping$$. Buying in bulk is great! We wanted to stock up on nonperishable goods in preparation before the baby comes. The less shopping we have to do when the baby is here the better, I just wish we had more room to store more. After walking for miles and miles and over packing our basket it was time to check out. I realized after most of our stuff had been rung up at the register that I had forgotten our debit card at home. Oops! How embarrassing!!! "you don't take credit cards, only American express. No, I don't have my check book with me". So I had to run home and leave my poor Marc who had worked so hard all day at Costco's in shame. It's a good thing we don't live that far away.
Wednesday I started packing our hospital bag and wrote down everything that was put into it so I could go over it again and make sure I didn't leave anything out. Washed Xavier's clothes and things. I received a phone call from Jcpenny informing us that our shipment had just came in. I was very excited, I had ordered it a week before and it was finally here. After Marc had his dinner he put it all together, our last piece of furniture for the nursery. The nursery is finally complete.
Thursday, Marc wants to go back to Costco's for more shopping. Today I finished writing all of the baby shower thank you cards and mailed most of them out. I'll wash some more of Xavier's things. Then finally try to organize his little clothes in the drawers and really try hard not to be obsessive compulsive about where every single item is placed. Add more things to the hospital bag. Put in the other car seat base in my car. We had put the car seat and base in Marc's SUV that Monday after the shower and plan to get it checked out by a fire company in the area to make sure it's in properly. We keep in mind that Xavier might come early and we're trying to have all the important things done just in case he tries to surprise us.
33week belly
I love my BELLY!!! In the begining of my pregnancy I couldn't wait to have a big belly, now I do and I'm so happy and just loving it!
Sunday Marc and I went to check out another bulk shopping center in the area. We liked what we saw there so we signed up for membership right away before the store closed. Then we drove to another store and went shopping for items to put into our hospital bag. $Just buying the little stuff like the shampoo's, deodorant, toothpaste etc. came up to more than what I had expected.
Monday I bought a $nursing nightgown and other nursing gear to wear, which I have to buy more of later on this week. I also bought some $wearable blankets that doubles as a swaddler for Xavier. I feel better having the wearable kind instead of placing a blanket or wrapping him in a receiving blanket while he sleeps in the bassinet over night.
Tuesday I went over a baby checklist that was on Target.com and wrote down everything that we still needed. I went over a couple of books to see the recommended number of items we should have of each. Like we should have so many burp clothes, # of receiving blankets and so forth. Just to make sure we have enough of everything to start off with. Washed Xavier's things and put them away. Then when Marc came home and rested a bit we were off to Costco and finally did some shopping$$. Buying in bulk is great! We wanted to stock up on nonperishable goods in preparation before the baby comes. The less shopping we have to do when the baby is here the better, I just wish we had more room to store more. After walking for miles and miles and over packing our basket it was time to check out. I realized after most of our stuff had been rung up at the register that I had forgotten our debit card at home. Oops! How embarrassing!!! "you don't take credit cards, only American express. No, I don't have my check book with me". So I had to run home and leave my poor Marc who had worked so hard all day at Costco's in shame. It's a good thing we don't live that far away.
Wednesday I started packing our hospital bag and wrote down everything that was put into it so I could go over it again and make sure I didn't leave anything out. Washed Xavier's clothes and things. I received a phone call from Jcpenny informing us that our shipment had just came in. I was very excited, I had ordered it a week before and it was finally here. After Marc had his dinner he put it all together, our last piece of furniture for the nursery. The nursery is finally complete.
Thursday, Marc wants to go back to Costco's for more shopping. Today I finished writing all of the baby shower thank you cards and mailed most of them out. I'll wash some more of Xavier's things. Then finally try to organize his little clothes in the drawers and really try hard not to be obsessive compulsive about where every single item is placed. Add more things to the hospital bag. Put in the other car seat base in my car. We had put the car seat and base in Marc's SUV that Monday after the shower and plan to get it checked out by a fire company in the area to make sure it's in properly. We keep in mind that Xavier might come early and we're trying to have all the important things done just in case he tries to surprise us.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Sleepy mommy
Since last Wednesday I've been so very tired, maybe more like extremely tired. I haven't been writing all the little events that's been going on lately.
Last wednesday Marc and I went to the hospital on an unscheduled visit. The reason was that I was concerned about the baby's lack of movement during the night. The baby didn't move at all, I didn't feel anything when normaly he turns, kicks and does his thing. I thought alright no big deal he's just sleeping, that's why he isn't moving. Later when I woke up I laid for awhile to see if he'll start stirring like he usually does, nothing. So I rubbed my tummy and started to talk to him, he was quiet. Then finally he started to move and I did my 10 kick count, but his movements were very light and slow. I'm glad that he did move around that made feel alot better but he still wasn't the same. As I got up I kept talking to him and rubbing my tummy. I called him by his little name and he responded with a tap which made me smile. I'm sure he's ok, maybe. So I got something to eat and drank some of Marc's ice tea, something sweet to get the baby moving. It didn't work, I had all sorts of scary thoughts running through my mind no matter how I tried to keep calm. I called the Ob's office and of course they wanted me to come in to be monitered. After bawling like a baby the nurse tried to reassure me that Xavier is ok. I pulled myself together so not to alarm my poor husband who was hard at work.
And we were off to the hospital.
Long story short baby was fine and we had and ultrasound after a non-stress test. Xavier was in there just chilling, we were able to see him breathing which landed him a compliment from the nurse "he's an excellent breather". Marc and I looked at each other and just smiled with delight. Not only is the boy fine, but he is well advanced:) We knew of this all along and now someone else also knows it too;) Along with that the nurse pointed out that he was using his sucking reflex. The nurse checked my amount of amnioticfluid, which was low but in Normal range. The doctor wanted me to have the test done again and told me to drink plenty of water. All is fine thank God!
Last wednesday Marc and I went to the hospital on an unscheduled visit. The reason was that I was concerned about the baby's lack of movement during the night. The baby didn't move at all, I didn't feel anything when normaly he turns, kicks and does his thing. I thought alright no big deal he's just sleeping, that's why he isn't moving. Later when I woke up I laid for awhile to see if he'll start stirring like he usually does, nothing. So I rubbed my tummy and started to talk to him, he was quiet. Then finally he started to move and I did my 10 kick count, but his movements were very light and slow. I'm glad that he did move around that made feel alot better but he still wasn't the same. As I got up I kept talking to him and rubbing my tummy. I called him by his little name and he responded with a tap which made me smile. I'm sure he's ok, maybe. So I got something to eat and drank some of Marc's ice tea, something sweet to get the baby moving. It didn't work, I had all sorts of scary thoughts running through my mind no matter how I tried to keep calm. I called the Ob's office and of course they wanted me to come in to be monitered. After bawling like a baby the nurse tried to reassure me that Xavier is ok. I pulled myself together so not to alarm my poor husband who was hard at work.
And we were off to the hospital.
Long story short baby was fine and we had and ultrasound after a non-stress test. Xavier was in there just chilling, we were able to see him breathing which landed him a compliment from the nurse "he's an excellent breather". Marc and I looked at each other and just smiled with delight. Not only is the boy fine, but he is well advanced:) We knew of this all along and now someone else also knows it too;) Along with that the nurse pointed out that he was using his sucking reflex. The nurse checked my amount of amnioticfluid, which was low but in Normal range. The doctor wanted me to have the test done again and told me to drink plenty of water. All is fine thank God!
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