Somtimes hope is a nightmare
Posing as a dream, but you won't know,
til you're awake.
You're mind can make a heartbreak of a mistake
When it believes in a dream that's not real.
But what if you can bring dreams to life?
What if you can reach hope and hold on with all your might?
Every night, hold on my love
Together when we awake,we'll still have us
And that's hope
Within a dream we share.
When two become one,hope becomes stronger
And nightmares disappear.
And hope grows within you til we can feel it
And we believe it, and we conceive it!
This dreams begun breathing.
The hearts begun beating.
My Love,
God has given us
Hope outside of dreams and into life.
So let's thank Him everyday and every night.
Forever.
Till we return back into the dream that we share.
I promise I'll be there.
-Marc H.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Looking forward
I'm so happy to be in the double digits!!!
11 wks! Woohoo!!!
I remember in the early weeks of pregnancy Marc and I would think we can't wait to be at the end of the 1st trimester. It seemed far off at the time and I guess it was. We found out that we were pregnant when I was only 4weeks along. At the time we were thinking I was only 2weeks, but with further reading we found out that we had to add 2 more weeks. Adding 2 more weeks made me feel a little better, even though it didn't mean that I was further along. Some women usually find out when they're a little further along than I was so they didn't have to wait as long as we did.
Next week is the big 12, all this time has been a countdown to the end of the 1st trimester. At the end of that week Marc and I are going out to celebrate. It's such a momentous occasion for us, each week that passes we look forward to getting closer to the next one. And now it's almost here!!! Then when that's past we'll be looking forward to each week that brings us closer to hopefully feeling a little fluttering when the baby moves. Then getting a big baby belly and finding out if it's a boy or a girl, I don't know which will happen first.
This whole experience is just sooo exciting, it's been alot of tears of joy, "looking forward to", to being amazed, and alot of "can't waits".
It is truly a dream and one of the greatest blessings God has given us.
11 wks! Woohoo!!!
I remember in the early weeks of pregnancy Marc and I would think we can't wait to be at the end of the 1st trimester. It seemed far off at the time and I guess it was. We found out that we were pregnant when I was only 4weeks along. At the time we were thinking I was only 2weeks, but with further reading we found out that we had to add 2 more weeks. Adding 2 more weeks made me feel a little better, even though it didn't mean that I was further along. Some women usually find out when they're a little further along than I was so they didn't have to wait as long as we did.
Next week is the big 12, all this time has been a countdown to the end of the 1st trimester. At the end of that week Marc and I are going out to celebrate. It's such a momentous occasion for us, each week that passes we look forward to getting closer to the next one. And now it's almost here!!! Then when that's past we'll be looking forward to each week that brings us closer to hopefully feeling a little fluttering when the baby moves. Then getting a big baby belly and finding out if it's a boy or a girl, I don't know which will happen first.
This whole experience is just sooo exciting, it's been alot of tears of joy, "looking forward to", to being amazed, and alot of "can't waits".
It is truly a dream and one of the greatest blessings God has given us.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
"The Greatest Thing you'll ever learn.......
...is just to love and be loved in return"-Nat King Cole
Earlier I wrote a little about how Marc and I plan to teach our child. One of the most important lessons or gifts we'll ever give him or her is to lead by example. He or she will know what true love really is. They'll know the perfect example of having a mommy and daddy who love each other. Sometimes I can't help but imagine what the future would be like when our little baby will turn into an adult. And I hope that all of our teachings would be put into practice, for the most part. As they continue to grow I hope that he or she would know how to be loving and know who is deserving of their love.
This is our greatest gift we will give to our child,
love.
Earlier I wrote a little about how Marc and I plan to teach our child. One of the most important lessons or gifts we'll ever give him or her is to lead by example. He or she will know what true love really is. They'll know the perfect example of having a mommy and daddy who love each other. Sometimes I can't help but imagine what the future would be like when our little baby will turn into an adult. And I hope that all of our teachings would be put into practice, for the most part. As they continue to grow I hope that he or she would know how to be loving and know who is deserving of their love.
This is our greatest gift we will give to our child,
love.
Mayan with tha playan...
Man with the plan. Yeah, that would be me. With Sonia approachin' the end of her first trimester, (11 weeks, thank God!), I can't help but consider where I, as the captain of the ship, the king of the castle, the head honcho, the overseer of funk, wish to move our family, y'know in terms of the future. Sonia wrote about discipline, which is funny to me because in the household I grew up in, it was quite simple, mess around, feel the pain. If you don't wanna feel the pain, don't mess around, period. That big police utility belt my pops swung sure carried alot of weight! (He probably should have taken the handcuffs off of the belt first though...man! the head cracks!...KIDDING! ) And God forbid we'd get shapped upside the head by my moms boney hand. (Sorry Mom, it's the only way I can describe it. You didn't hit us alot, but when you did, it was well received!)
These days, I think about our future completely different than I used to. NOW it's all about whats best for the baby and us as a family; like where do we want to raise the little one who will one day enslave the world (for it's own good of course!). I think very big changes are in the works. I'm considering relocation as a great way to maximize our financial potential. Of course, I run it all by Sonia who is always supportive of a positive move. And if she sees it as not so positive, she'll simply say "what're you talkin about weirdo?" and I know it's gonna be a hard sell. But I'm determined to keep it all on track. Age-wise, I THINK I have some time before I start pooping myself, but considering my uhm...maturity( shall we say?) I'm looking for as few missteps as possible. The kid hasn't been born yet, but I'm tryin to set him or her up for life in every sense of the word!
I look at the most recent ultrasound everyday several times a day, and it serves as such a motivation. I can't wait to see how the baby's been developing at next months doctors visit, which will be right around my birthday, in a couple of weeks.
These days, I think about our future completely different than I used to. NOW it's all about whats best for the baby and us as a family; like where do we want to raise the little one who will one day enslave the world (for it's own good of course!). I think very big changes are in the works. I'm considering relocation as a great way to maximize our financial potential. Of course, I run it all by Sonia who is always supportive of a positive move. And if she sees it as not so positive, she'll simply say "what're you talkin about weirdo?" and I know it's gonna be a hard sell. But I'm determined to keep it all on track. Age-wise, I THINK I have some time before I start pooping myself, but considering my uhm...maturity( shall we say?) I'm looking for as few missteps as possible. The kid hasn't been born yet, but I'm tryin to set him or her up for life in every sense of the word!
I look at the most recent ultrasound everyday several times a day, and it serves as such a motivation. I can't wait to see how the baby's been developing at next months doctors visit, which will be right around my birthday, in a couple of weeks.
9/15/08
This is our estimated due date!!! The doctor also told us that I would not go past this delivery date which I'm very happy about. I cann't wait to see our little baby.
I've had everything planned out in my head of how we're going to raise the little tyke. Most of which I had long since planned before I even met Marc, I was in my late teens then. My mother raised really good hearted, honest, respectful and caring children. She is my role model. I'm sure everything she learned was passed down to her from her mother.
At the dinner table she would tell us to bow our heads and clasp our hands to pray as sometimes one of us would start quietly giggling. She would read us the Bible and send us to sunday school, we were far from being holy rollers, but she made sure we knew God and what He wanted for us to be like. It gave us a strong base of right and wrong.
When I was really little I remember her long talks about choosing the outcomes by the choices we would make. Instead of choosing to do something bad, I would think, "well, when you do bad mom or dad will find out and I'm most likely going to be punished". Then there would be another way to do the right thing that wouldn't be so bad, not exactly what I wanted to do, but at least I wouldn't be punished. These talks made me stop and think and learn to make the right decision, it gave us some sense of accountability. There's so much she has taught me that I will pass on to my children. One other thing that is soo important that I completely agree with is, that you start teaching your child from the cradle.
I've had everything planned out in my head of how we're going to raise the little tyke. Most of which I had long since planned before I even met Marc, I was in my late teens then. My mother raised really good hearted, honest, respectful and caring children. She is my role model. I'm sure everything she learned was passed down to her from her mother.
At the dinner table she would tell us to bow our heads and clasp our hands to pray as sometimes one of us would start quietly giggling. She would read us the Bible and send us to sunday school, we were far from being holy rollers, but she made sure we knew God and what He wanted for us to be like. It gave us a strong base of right and wrong.
When I was really little I remember her long talks about choosing the outcomes by the choices we would make. Instead of choosing to do something bad, I would think, "well, when you do bad mom or dad will find out and I'm most likely going to be punished". Then there would be another way to do the right thing that wouldn't be so bad, not exactly what I wanted to do, but at least I wouldn't be punished. These talks made me stop and think and learn to make the right decision, it gave us some sense of accountability. There's so much she has taught me that I will pass on to my children. One other thing that is soo important that I completely agree with is, that you start teaching your child from the cradle.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Song for baby
Whenever I look at Sweetpea's picture or when I'm in bed at night just before I sleep I think of how beautiful this little blessing is to me and just let my imagination run for a while. And I always find myself repeating "I love you, I love you, I love you...", which reminds me of this song sung by the legendary Sam Cooke, "(I love you) For Sentimental Reasons".
This video is of a scrapbook I started when I found out that I was pregnant. I was just thinking today of when baby gets older how he or she will have this scrapbook and this written journal to keep for always.
The first ultrasound pictures I had was at 5wks. Baby was just a speck, the size of a grain of rice. I can't wait to show this scrapbook to him or her and show just how tiny he/she was. Long before that happens, I can't wait to find out if baby will be a boy or a girl. By the looks of this blogs poll mostly everyone seems to think that it's going to be a girl.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
cuter than cupid continued...
Marc here! So check out the baby just layin on her or his back, inside of Mama. We should all be that safe and secure. When we first saw the image, it was really exciting, but then the little booger started moving. Wavin' wigglin'. "Movin...groovin'...doin it, y'know?" (<---peace to James Brown!)I think he or she was tryin to back spin or something. Hoo haa! Fortunately, the doctor came running in like it was an interrogation room while the nurse was performing the ultrasound on Sonia, to bust up a potential emotional landslide. As he fired off the questions and Sonia struggled to focus, it was impossible to get caught up in the moment. The important thing is, everything is progressing nicely. I'm proud of Sonia and the baby. I don't necessarily get into valentines day, but dagnabbit, I'm feelin the love people!
Cuter than Cupid!
This is a picture of BABY aka "Sweet Pea" 2/14 at 9:32 am,(9 wks). You can see babys nose! The ultrasound was amazing!!! We saw baby just like above laying on his/her back and it looked like baby was playing. It was live action for a good while just watching baby move arms and legs, incredible! Next time we will ask about taping the ultrasound on video so we can show everyone. I go back to the doctors in four weeks, I'll be 13wks by then. God willing
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
balloon ride
Unseen video of our hot air balloon ride Marc surprised me with on my birthday, 7/15/07. ENJOY!
Patti LaBelle made me cry!
(sing) "If only you knew how much I do, do love you...".
I was watching vh1 soul when this Patti video came on. I was enjoying this song since I haven't
heard it in a long time. Everything was going fine til the very end of the video when (think tacky 80's) a close up profile of Patti looking up into the air with a horribly fake clear gel tear smeared on her face. When I saw that fake tear I started to cry. It didn't matter that Patti didn't show any emotion or couldn't dig down deep to actually make her own tears. I cried. Afterwards I felt silly, but I know it's the pregnancy hormones. My eyes start to well up with tears whenever I see someone who looks sad or anything to do with heart felt emotions. Other than crying(I try to stop myself) my pregnancy symptoms are ok, I feel very tired at times, my sense of smell is hightened, and I've been nauseous only three times. I'm grateful that I don't have to go through the day in and out vomiting and nausea, I can enjoy my pregnancy . Hopefully this is a good sign for how the rest of my pregnancy will go. I'd love to hear some stories like this!
I was watching vh1 soul when this Patti video came on. I was enjoying this song since I haven't
heard it in a long time. Everything was going fine til the very end of the video when (think tacky 80's) a close up profile of Patti looking up into the air with a horribly fake clear gel tear smeared on her face. When I saw that fake tear I started to cry. It didn't matter that Patti didn't show any emotion or couldn't dig down deep to actually make her own tears. I cried. Afterwards I felt silly, but I know it's the pregnancy hormones. My eyes start to well up with tears whenever I see someone who looks sad or anything to do with heart felt emotions. Other than crying(I try to stop myself) my pregnancy symptoms are ok, I feel very tired at times, my sense of smell is hightened, and I've been nauseous only three times. I'm grateful that I don't have to go through the day in and out vomiting and nausea, I can enjoy my pregnancy . Hopefully this is a good sign for how the rest of my pregnancy will go. I'd love to hear some stories like this!
Monday, February 11, 2008
Ultrasound
This is baby at 7weeks, definitely looks more like a peanut to me. We heard babys heartbeat for the second time at this ultrasound, 160 beats per minute! Babys working hard, that's why I feel so tired(as I yawn). This is a week earlier than what I really am, not to confuse people. Tuesday I will be nine weeks! Time is going faster than I thought it would. When I first found out I was pregnant I was only 4weeks, time goes by so fast I'll be over with my 1st. trimester in a few weeks. Last friday when I went for my weekly ultrasound I saw the profile of the baby! I could see babys big head and most of all his or her arms and little legs! Baby looks like a baby, not a grain of rice not a peanut, a baby. Unfortunately though the Doctor took the good pic's to keep and he had a resident doc take the pic's that I would take with me. The pic's the resident doc. took were horrible, baby looks like a sqiud, no arms or legs to be seen. Good news more pic's will be up soon so keep checking in weekly!
Sunday, February 10, 2008
"Hello little one!" part 2
Hey everyone! would'ya like to hear from the proud pappy to be? Of course you would. First of all, let me give a big shout out to my baby sis Tiara who just recently had a baby herself; little Isaiah with her husband Richard. They have a great blog which inspired Sonia and I to do one for ourselves.
This miracle that Sonia and I are sharing can be really overwhelming when you consider the years of hope and heartbreak that preceded it. As Sonia pointed out, infertility can take you right to the brink of despair. Keeping that in mind, it is my hope that this record of our journey together will also serve as a reminder that there is a plan, or a destiny that is absolutely unique to each of us. I've learned that there is no better fight than the fight that maintains your faith against every setback.
So my wife is pregnant! I can't look at her without thinking about our baby growing inside of her. She's absosmurfly beautiful! My mind is ALL over the place these days. At different times I feel, overjoyed, scared, excited worried, silly, grouchy, (Sonia get OFF the treadmill already! as a matter of fact, don't do ANYTHING! just sit on the couch with your hands crossed for the next 7 and a half months and watch "Maury", but dont get any ideas, you KNOW who da baby daddy is!), but most of all I feel blessed. No, more than even that, I feel anointed. Everything is deeper when you've shed more than a few tears over it. This life is for you God.
"Hello little one!" is how I greet our unborn child every time I talk through Sonias belly. We've seen the ultrasounds, and heard the heartbeat. Our little dream is becoming more real every moment, so every moment we have, we thank God. There's alot to write about, but I'll chill for now. Stay tuned! This is gonna be good...
This miracle that Sonia and I are sharing can be really overwhelming when you consider the years of hope and heartbreak that preceded it. As Sonia pointed out, infertility can take you right to the brink of despair. Keeping that in mind, it is my hope that this record of our journey together will also serve as a reminder that there is a plan, or a destiny that is absolutely unique to each of us. I've learned that there is no better fight than the fight that maintains your faith against every setback.
So my wife is pregnant! I can't look at her without thinking about our baby growing inside of her. She's absosmurfly beautiful! My mind is ALL over the place these days. At different times I feel, overjoyed, scared, excited worried, silly, grouchy, (Sonia get OFF the treadmill already! as a matter of fact, don't do ANYTHING! just sit on the couch with your hands crossed for the next 7 and a half months and watch "Maury", but dont get any ideas, you KNOW who da baby daddy is!), but most of all I feel blessed. No, more than even that, I feel anointed. Everything is deeper when you've shed more than a few tears over it. This life is for you God.
"Hello little one!" is how I greet our unborn child every time I talk through Sonias belly. We've seen the ultrasounds, and heard the heartbeat. Our little dream is becoming more real every moment, so every moment we have, we thank God. There's alot to write about, but I'll chill for now. Stay tuned! This is gonna be good...
"Hello little one!"
This is our first time creating a blog for all to see our amazing journey to parenthood. When I first found out I was pregnant I was in Michael's parking lot. I had called for the results of my pregnancy test and had to hold as the nurse looked for my chart. I was preparing myself to hear "negative" for the result, but a little part of me was still hopeful. When she finally came back on she says "Ok Sonia, just looking for the results...(pause)...and it's positive".
I was in complete shock and started to cry, I asked her if she was serious. (Like the nurse would joke around, " Sonia your pregnancy test is positive" and I'd say "really" then she'd say laughing, "no I'm not serious, it's really negative"). Looking back I thought how stupid of me to ask if she was serious, but at the time being in shock I just said what ever, it was so random.
I completely broke down, crying hysterically and kept thanking God over and over. The nurse kept asking me questions and I could barely answer her, I couldn't breathe. My answers were short and very high pitched like I had the wind knocked out of me. After I hung up with the nurse I sat in the explorer crying my heart out.
The many years of trying on our own to get pregnant, then the years with the specialist(intrusive not so comfortable tests and lot's of needles), and all those horrible negative home pregnancy tests really took alot of me. Even as positive as I tried to be it was still incredibly hard. There's so many mixed feelings that a woman goes through when she can't get pregnant, but when I heard that one word "positive", all the negative feelings that I ever thought or felt were shed with my tears. My tears turned into tears of happiness and I remember asking the nurse if she could repeat the result again, "positive".
Marc and I are incredibly happy, it could've happened sooner but looking back on our soon to be ten year marriage, there could not have been a more perfect time than now for us to receive our blessing. I always like to remind people and this is something that I strongly believe in, "everything happens for a reason", and a small part of a quote from my grandmother Doris "trust in the lord". These quotes are very simple, but people make life more complicated than it already is. We are grateful for every blessing we are given and absolutely will never take this blessing of a baby for granted.
I almost forgot, I have to share this funny thought I had as I drove off the parking lot to share the good news with Marc. I remember thinking "I can't wait to be sick, I can't wait to vomit", a sure sign of pregnancy. I definitely at the time couldn't wait for those signs the good and the bad, I'm just so happy and blessed to experience pregnancy for the first time.
I was in complete shock and started to cry, I asked her if she was serious. (Like the nurse would joke around, " Sonia your pregnancy test is positive" and I'd say "really" then she'd say laughing, "no I'm not serious, it's really negative"). Looking back I thought how stupid of me to ask if she was serious, but at the time being in shock I just said what ever, it was so random.
I completely broke down, crying hysterically and kept thanking God over and over. The nurse kept asking me questions and I could barely answer her, I couldn't breathe. My answers were short and very high pitched like I had the wind knocked out of me. After I hung up with the nurse I sat in the explorer crying my heart out.
The many years of trying on our own to get pregnant, then the years with the specialist(intrusive not so comfortable tests and lot's of needles), and all those horrible negative home pregnancy tests really took alot of me. Even as positive as I tried to be it was still incredibly hard. There's so many mixed feelings that a woman goes through when she can't get pregnant, but when I heard that one word "positive", all the negative feelings that I ever thought or felt were shed with my tears. My tears turned into tears of happiness and I remember asking the nurse if she could repeat the result again, "positive".
Marc and I are incredibly happy, it could've happened sooner but looking back on our soon to be ten year marriage, there could not have been a more perfect time than now for us to receive our blessing. I always like to remind people and this is something that I strongly believe in, "everything happens for a reason", and a small part of a quote from my grandmother Doris "trust in the lord". These quotes are very simple, but people make life more complicated than it already is. We are grateful for every blessing we are given and absolutely will never take this blessing of a baby for granted.
I almost forgot, I have to share this funny thought I had as I drove off the parking lot to share the good news with Marc. I remember thinking "I can't wait to be sick, I can't wait to vomit", a sure sign of pregnancy. I definitely at the time couldn't wait for those signs the good and the bad, I'm just so happy and blessed to experience pregnancy for the first time.
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